Hangouts that satisfy teens desire to be on their own – while
still at home
If you have teenagers, you know how they need their “space.” Yet even as they try to distance themselves from their parents – both mentally and spatially – teenagers still want to stay close. This tendency to say “Leave me alone, but be there for me when I need you” can make parents feel as if their teenagers treat family life like a stay at a hotel – luxury or not.
But this desire to live their own lives – complete with messy rooms, loud music and late nights – is all part of growing up and away from the parental grip. As a mother of a teenager myself, I have lamented with many friends and clients about the challenges of the teen years. But I have come up with a few ways to literally “give them their space” while making life more tolerable — if not more blissful — for everyone.
One of the best ways to start is to see if you have unused space that can be converted to a room just for your teen. The tiniest and seemingly unsuitable space – a place you might have thought useless for anything other than storage — can be transformed into the perfect room for teens and tweens.
Even if the space you have is not suited for a bedroom (be sure to consult your local building code to determine what is required to call a space a bedroom), any space can be converted to a hangout. The cost can be minimal to moderate, depending on the condition of the space. Safety, however, should always be your number one priority, so install smoke detectors and make sure you have incorporated emergency exit plans into the design – right down to a rope ladder to throw out of a window.
From a teen’s perspective, here are the most important aspects of a true get-away:
- Physical distance – Make sure the space you choose creates the feeling of being far away from Mom and Dad.
- Coziness -You can’t beat an attic, space over the garage, the unfinished half of a garage, or a cave-like nook in the basement for the ultimate in small, but cool, spaces.
Once you’ve met those criteria, here are some other things to consider that will satisfy the teenagers who will use the space – and you, who will have to live with it and pay for it!
Insulate: To avoid a significant spike in your energy costs, address the problem of heat loss, since there is going to be frequent movement of air between the attic or basement and the rest of the house. And to avoid being subjected to the constant thumping of the bass from your teen’s iPod dock, take advantage of sound attenuating sheetrock (especially if the space is raw and you will be putting up walls), and insulate the stud walls, ceiling and floor. A wall-to-wall carpet is the most efficient way to trap sound between floors. A thick hair pad on top of rigid foam insulation creates a nice sound barrier for the room below, while in a basement, sound insulation goes in the ceiling.
Let there be light (and air!): Adequate light and ventilation are critical. If you replace or add windows, make sure they are insulated. Admittedly, if you are working in a basement, it can be difficult or impossible to add windows, but you can use full spectrum light bulbs to make up for the lack of natural light. Make sure that adequate ventilation is part of your plan as well. Installing a fan that circulates air from another part of the house usually does the trick if you can’t vent to the outside. Consider consulting a healthy house consultant who can assess air leaks and air flow throughout your house.
Think ahead: Built-in closets can be inexpensive and create a bonus for resale value. You don’t even have to install closet doors – a nice curtain can be an inexpensive way to add color and personality to the room.
Stay out of it!: The most successful teen rooms I have done are those in which the kids made the decisions and Mom and Dad stayed out of the picture (after certain parameters were set regarding budgets and about what items would – and would not – – be in the room when finished.)
Come clean: If you can get water into the room easily, install a sink and faucet. Adding a toilet is much more expensive (and may not be legal) but a small sink can be gracefully incorporated into a teenage hide out and think of the way it would help with bathroom tie ups during the morning rush hour!
Be cool: We all have our limits and preferences – and a fridge may be where you draw the line, but it sure is a convenience for the teenager. There are many models to choose from today, from small cubes to larger models that look like mini- vending machines.
When given their own spaces and the responsibility and opportunity to act grown-up while at home, teens usually do exactly that. Loosening the mental umbilical cord allows them to take charge in a safe place close to home. Who knows, they might even learn to like cleaning their rooms!